I was absolutely bored yesterday. Nothing to do at all. Zilch. And this was at work. ( i have noticed people have been giving me fewer and fewer jobs to do now. Perhaps due to the fact that I will be off for 3 months anytime soon) :S
I could read and learn more about my field of work during this vastfully free time, but I was in no mood to entertain all the thick info compact books. Hence, I decided to read the Quran from the internet. The internet is a lovely platform to do/read/watch anything you like, and I am truly thankful to Allah for bringing me into this world of the technology era.
http://www.oneummah.net/quran/
That was the website I went to yesterday.
As I was reading with my quiet voice, the cleaning lady came into my office to obviously clean the floor. I was surprised to find myself automatically stopped reading Surah Maryam outloud! The cleaning lady is a non-muslim, but my reaction was unplanned. It was an automatic response.
Was I ashamed to be caught reading the Quran during office hour?
Was it out of respect to the non-muslim cleaning lady?
Was I ashamed to be seen reading the Quran altogether?
I myself am not sure of the answer. Perplexed by my own reaction.
Whatever the reason was, I am regretting it today. If I were to continue reading the Quran, perhaps, it was a chance of hidayah for this lovely cleaning lady, and she perhaps would want to learn more about Islam. I have missed a chance of da'wah, and I might never get this chance again.
Anyhow, I am praying so that my delivery is a smooth, not overdue, noncomplicated one, and my child is healthy and safe, and the labour pain is bearable (hu). Amiin.
"And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm-tree: She cried (in her anguish): "Ah! would that I had died before this! would that I had been a thing forgotten and out of sight!"
But (a voice) cried to her from beneath the (palm-tree): "Grieve not! for thy Lord hath provided a rivulet beneath thee;
"And shake towards thyself the trunk of the palm-tree: It will let fall fresh ripe dates upon thee.
"So eat and drink and cool (thine) eye. And if thou dost see any man, say, ´I have vowed a fast to (Allah) Most Gracious, and this day will I enter into not talk with any human being´"
(Surah Maryam: 23-26)
Thursday 21 April 2011
Monday 11 April 2011
waiting for hidayah.. or searching for hidayah?
I stumbled upon a friend's blog today. It discussed a topic of a famous Malaysian actor turning a new leaf for a better muslim life. Alhamdulillah! And I further read the comments people have towards this issue. Quite a number of them actually said " hidayah belum sampai" (hidayah is not here yet) or.. "tak sampai seru" (its not the time yet) when it comes to why they are still not ready to be a fullfledged worshippers of Allah.
And I am absolutely dissappointed with this. These young, healthy, clever people are saying the reason why they still do all the forbiden things are because 'hidayah' has not greeted them. O well, what if death greet you first?
Another half of the comments are full of flirty young girls saying "oh, I hope he will marry me and guide me to the right path" or "How nice it is to marry him, even it means I'm the 3rd wife". OMG. Dear ladies out there, we are born independent women. Created by Allah the AlMighty equiped with our own brains and abled bodies. Why do we need a man to guide us.. or marry us.. then only change? It is fantastic if we are lucky to marry a good muslim, but, why wait til then to get closer to Allah? Truth is, there are not many men out there who can guide you the way Rasulullah guied us all. So stop waiting around, pick up the Quran, go to the mosques, listen to talks of Islam, befriend good people, leave sins. O well, what if you never got married, or worse got married to an a-hole who knows nought about religion?
It saddened me how an inspiring blog entry did not touched everyone's heart as intended. People now are too superficial to dig deeper and think harder. Nowadays, people just look in the mirror to see how they physically looks like. No one ever reflect on how their insides are anymore. What a shame..
To another story.
I was somehow troubled yesterday after talking to this new colleague of mine who have failed to complete his postgraduate training program. The same one i hopefully will enroll in next year. He tried it 3 times and failed. Hence, he has to be kicked out of the program. And maybe kicked out by the employers too.
I hope my journey in this program is not as dramatic and depressing. I hope I will finish mine in 4 years time, no failure whatsoever and it'll be smoothsailing! Amiin.
"Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, The Beneficent, the Merciful. Owner of the Day of Judgment, ( Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) we ask for help. Show us the straight path, The path of those whom Thou hast favoured. Not (the path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray" (Alfatihah)
And I am absolutely dissappointed with this. These young, healthy, clever people are saying the reason why they still do all the forbiden things are because 'hidayah' has not greeted them. O well, what if death greet you first?
Another half of the comments are full of flirty young girls saying "oh, I hope he will marry me and guide me to the right path" or "How nice it is to marry him, even it means I'm the 3rd wife". OMG. Dear ladies out there, we are born independent women. Created by Allah the AlMighty equiped with our own brains and abled bodies. Why do we need a man to guide us.. or marry us.. then only change? It is fantastic if we are lucky to marry a good muslim, but, why wait til then to get closer to Allah? Truth is, there are not many men out there who can guide you the way Rasulullah guied us all. So stop waiting around, pick up the Quran, go to the mosques, listen to talks of Islam, befriend good people, leave sins. O well, what if you never got married, or worse got married to an a-hole who knows nought about religion?
It saddened me how an inspiring blog entry did not touched everyone's heart as intended. People now are too superficial to dig deeper and think harder. Nowadays, people just look in the mirror to see how they physically looks like. No one ever reflect on how their insides are anymore. What a shame..
To another story.
I was somehow troubled yesterday after talking to this new colleague of mine who have failed to complete his postgraduate training program. The same one i hopefully will enroll in next year. He tried it 3 times and failed. Hence, he has to be kicked out of the program. And maybe kicked out by the employers too.
I hope my journey in this program is not as dramatic and depressing. I hope I will finish mine in 4 years time, no failure whatsoever and it'll be smoothsailing! Amiin.
"Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, The Beneficent, the Merciful. Owner of the Day of Judgment, ( Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) we ask for help. Show us the straight path, The path of those whom Thou hast favoured. Not (the path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray" (Alfatihah)
Wednesday 6 April 2011
contraction-less week
How very peculiar...
Last week, I was woken up every night because of contractions, but there has been none detected (or that woke me up) this week at all. How bizzarre. Have my baby now decided that there are no place nicer than the warmth of my belly, or has the world turned ugly that it scared my little child from coming out sooner.
Dear child, these are God's words to sooth you:
"Undoubtedly, this religion (Din) of yours is a single religion (Din), and I am your Lord, so worship Me. And others split their affairs among themselves. All are to return to Us.Then whosoever works righteous deeds and be a believer, then his efforts are not disregarded and We are recording it. And it is forbidden to a town, which We have destroyed that they return. Until when Yajuj and Maujuj would be let loose and they will be coming down from every height.And the true promise drew near, then the eyes of the infidels will remain staring (saying that) Woe to us, undoubtedly, we were heedless of this rather we were unjust' Undoubtedly, you and Whatever you worship beside Allah, all are the fuel of the hell, and you have to enter therein.If these had been gods, they would not have gone to Hell and all shall abide therein. They will groan therein and they will hear nothing in it.Undoubtedly, those for whom Our promise of good has already gone forth, they have been kept away from the Hell. They will not hear the faintest sound of it and they will abide in that which their soul desire. The Great Terror shall not grieve them and the angels will come to greet them (saying) that this is your Day,which you were promised.The Day when We shall roll up the heavens as the angel Sajil rolls up the record of deeds. As We made it, first We shall restore it. This is a promise on Us; We shall necessarily do it." (Al-Anbiya)
Hence, not to worry dear child. Those were His promise, and if there comes a time when no other promises are true, His will indefinitely be the truth.
And when there comes a time in your life when u feel lost, find Him, and He will come to you.
If you ever need assistance, ask Him of it.
When u feel lonely and sad, dont be.. He is always and forever with you.
I want you to know this, no matter how much I love you, God loves you more. Be forever thankful, and be a good obidient Muslim.
There is nothing to be scared of in this world, love. Only be scared of Allah, He is the only one watching your every move..
p/s: I cant wait to see you and hold you in my arms! :)
Last week, I was woken up every night because of contractions, but there has been none detected (or that woke me up) this week at all. How bizzarre. Have my baby now decided that there are no place nicer than the warmth of my belly, or has the world turned ugly that it scared my little child from coming out sooner.
Dear child, these are God's words to sooth you:
"Undoubtedly, this religion (Din) of yours is a single religion (Din), and I am your Lord, so worship Me. And others split their affairs among themselves. All are to return to Us.Then whosoever works righteous deeds and be a believer, then his efforts are not disregarded and We are recording it. And it is forbidden to a town, which We have destroyed that they return. Until when Yajuj and Maujuj would be let loose and they will be coming down from every height.And the true promise drew near, then the eyes of the infidels will remain staring (saying that) Woe to us, undoubtedly, we were heedless of this rather we were unjust' Undoubtedly, you and Whatever you worship beside Allah, all are the fuel of the hell, and you have to enter therein.If these had been gods, they would not have gone to Hell and all shall abide therein. They will groan therein and they will hear nothing in it.Undoubtedly, those for whom Our promise of good has already gone forth, they have been kept away from the Hell. They will not hear the faintest sound of it and they will abide in that which their soul desire. The Great Terror shall not grieve them and the angels will come to greet them (saying) that this is your Day,which you were promised.The Day when We shall roll up the heavens as the angel Sajil rolls up the record of deeds. As We made it, first We shall restore it. This is a promise on Us; We shall necessarily do it." (Al-Anbiya)
Hence, not to worry dear child. Those were His promise, and if there comes a time when no other promises are true, His will indefinitely be the truth.
And when there comes a time in your life when u feel lost, find Him, and He will come to you.
If you ever need assistance, ask Him of it.
When u feel lonely and sad, dont be.. He is always and forever with you.
I want you to know this, no matter how much I love you, God loves you more. Be forever thankful, and be a good obidient Muslim.
There is nothing to be scared of in this world, love. Only be scared of Allah, He is the only one watching your every move..
p/s: I cant wait to see you and hold you in my arms! :)
Sunday 3 April 2011
a slight contempt
"patience is a part of Imaan, and with Imaan comes jannah"
In times of trials and unhappiness, this whould be a chant. A proper elaborate chant. As well as zikr and duas. haih..
I was troubled a few days back on a small miscommuncation problem. I didnt mean what I said in THAT way, but unfortunately, it was interpreted wrongly by this other party. And it blew out of proportion, which left me buckets-of-tears tearful (please understand that I am in my last trimester and hormones are going beserk!), emotionally completely drained, and headachy post insomnia.
Then the explanation from the other party left me with more worrying Qs, doubts and concerns. But somehow I refused to let myself delve into the matter any further (which I now regret). At the time, I was too tired to even bother, and I just wanted to close my eyes, forget about all of it and sleep. Pretending it never happened was the easiest, calmest, and a cheat way out.
Waking up the next day, the Qs, worries and doubts did not left me, hence I am still caught in confusion. To bring the matter again, it's under the bridge, so let's not dwell on the past. But, somehow I need clarifications. Answers. But maybe deep down I dont really want to know. It will just be hurtful again, and it's weekdays now. Work next day after a night full of drama? Now way I can survive that.
Sometimes I wish life is a lot simpler as it was back then. If I want to go for a roadtrip over the weekends- I'll just go. If I want to hang out in the coffee shop for the whole 5 hours- who cares? But with older age, comes more responsibility and sacrifices. And I guess I have now come to a time when I am willing to sacrifice. But I dont know whether you are in the same boat too.
I am letting this all out and somehow felt strangely relieved. I thank Allah for this relief. And I am praying to You, to chase all my negative thoughts away. Please let me be one of those who sees and believe in good things and will recieve glad tidings. Amiin.
"Let the man of means spend according to his means: and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what he has given him. After a difficulty, Allah will soon grant relief." (At-Talaq:7)
In times of trials and unhappiness, this whould be a chant. A proper elaborate chant. As well as zikr and duas. haih..
I was troubled a few days back on a small miscommuncation problem. I didnt mean what I said in THAT way, but unfortunately, it was interpreted wrongly by this other party. And it blew out of proportion, which left me buckets-of-tears tearful (please understand that I am in my last trimester and hormones are going beserk!), emotionally completely drained, and headachy post insomnia.
Then the explanation from the other party left me with more worrying Qs, doubts and concerns. But somehow I refused to let myself delve into the matter any further (which I now regret). At the time, I was too tired to even bother, and I just wanted to close my eyes, forget about all of it and sleep. Pretending it never happened was the easiest, calmest, and a cheat way out.
Waking up the next day, the Qs, worries and doubts did not left me, hence I am still caught in confusion. To bring the matter again, it's under the bridge, so let's not dwell on the past. But, somehow I need clarifications. Answers. But maybe deep down I dont really want to know. It will just be hurtful again, and it's weekdays now. Work next day after a night full of drama? Now way I can survive that.
Sometimes I wish life is a lot simpler as it was back then. If I want to go for a roadtrip over the weekends- I'll just go. If I want to hang out in the coffee shop for the whole 5 hours- who cares? But with older age, comes more responsibility and sacrifices. And I guess I have now come to a time when I am willing to sacrifice. But I dont know whether you are in the same boat too.
I am letting this all out and somehow felt strangely relieved. I thank Allah for this relief. And I am praying to You, to chase all my negative thoughts away. Please let me be one of those who sees and believe in good things and will recieve glad tidings. Amiin.
"Let the man of means spend according to his means: and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what he has given him. After a difficulty, Allah will soon grant relief." (At-Talaq:7)
Thursday 31 March 2011
a mission: to write a book!
Now, that is what i called a proper mission. I have been wanting to write a book. Any kind of book. Perhaps a storybook for children which have good values in them.
I will never put Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and the disney lots as an educational-good value-enriching stories. NO, definitely not. These stories are pretentious stories that promotes good looks as being 'superior' and kissing are allowed before marriage. It cultivates envy and princes and princesses (monetary possesions) are more attractive than being noble and trustworthy.
Now that I will iAllah raise a child of my own, I am starting to see all these things in a different view. Malaysia needs better children stories, which are based on Islamic morales. Hopefully, by reading these feel good value nurturing sories, they will grow up with all these good values in mind. (re: not thinking plastic surgeries are the only way to get a good spouse/job offer, or kissing a guy can cure any illness!).
well, wish me luck peeps. I think I will need loads of them lucks. With your prayers, perhaps your kids will enjoy books that I've written with the Quran, Sunnah, and prophets stories as guidance ;) iAllah.
I will never put Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and the disney lots as an educational-good value-enriching stories. NO, definitely not. These stories are pretentious stories that promotes good looks as being 'superior' and kissing are allowed before marriage. It cultivates envy and princes and princesses (monetary possesions) are more attractive than being noble and trustworthy.
Now that I will iAllah raise a child of my own, I am starting to see all these things in a different view. Malaysia needs better children stories, which are based on Islamic morales. Hopefully, by reading these feel good value nurturing sories, they will grow up with all these good values in mind. (re: not thinking plastic surgeries are the only way to get a good spouse/job offer, or kissing a guy can cure any illness!).
well, wish me luck peeps. I think I will need loads of them lucks. With your prayers, perhaps your kids will enjoy books that I've written with the Quran, Sunnah, and prophets stories as guidance ;) iAllah.
Wednesday 30 March 2011
Luqman
"Verily the knowledge of the Hour is with Allah (alone). It is He Who sends down rain, and He Who knows what is in the wombs. Nor does any one know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: Nor does any one know in what land he is to die. Verily with Allah is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things)" -verse 34
Tuesday 22 March 2011
Oh God.. Oh God..
Today is really not my day. I guess God wants to test me and test my patience. For without these tests, how can we earn good points to fly us into Jannah?
The followings are the unfortunate events that happened today (so far)
1. Took the wrong turn to work today. Ended up in traffic jam, in the heavy rain, and ultimately late to work.
2. Grazed someone's car in the hospital parking lot! It was a small graze of ~3cm on the left bumper. But its a really nice car (luckily NOT an expensive imported type). I have left my contact details on his/her windshield. I hope whoever the owner of the car is a nice gentle person, and I am willing to pay for compensation, of course.. but the thought of spending my salary on such a stupid mistake when I am due to deliver anytime soon is a huge let down. I was completely out of mood and my mind was wandering to the silly graze on the nice car the whole day!
3. I am going home to day to unclog the stupid kitchen drain. Its a smelly, dirty tiring job to do after work when u are heavily preggers, but - its got to be done! I am preparing myself with gloves, perfumes, and mouthcovers.
4. Still in no luck trying to find a suitable nursery/nanny for this coming soon baby. And my stress level has never been this high since.. since A&E time in the UK. I know this because of the constant heartburn (and of course the huge tummy is a contributing factor too), and blemishes are popping out, and I am feeling restless, and insomniac at times, careless (hence the graze on someone's car)!
And the worse thing is.. I feel like I am ALONE in this hunt for a suitable, safe nursery for my child. And now it's like fighting a losing battle. I am tired because of lack of sleep and pregnancy, and have to wander around in my car after work in search for this illusive nursery.
sigh sigh sigh
I hope I will be stronger and more patient coming out from these tests. I am praying that God will point me towards the best nursery and He will look after my child and will keep her/him safe. I pray that the owner of the grazed car will forgive me and is a nice person. I pray that the clogged up drain will be opened today. I pray that I am always in His mercy and blessings. Please help me and make me happy again..
The followings are the unfortunate events that happened today (so far)
1. Took the wrong turn to work today. Ended up in traffic jam, in the heavy rain, and ultimately late to work.
2. Grazed someone's car in the hospital parking lot! It was a small graze of ~3cm on the left bumper. But its a really nice car (luckily NOT an expensive imported type). I have left my contact details on his/her windshield. I hope whoever the owner of the car is a nice gentle person, and I am willing to pay for compensation, of course.. but the thought of spending my salary on such a stupid mistake when I am due to deliver anytime soon is a huge let down. I was completely out of mood and my mind was wandering to the silly graze on the nice car the whole day!
3. I am going home to day to unclog the stupid kitchen drain. Its a smelly, dirty tiring job to do after work when u are heavily preggers, but - its got to be done! I am preparing myself with gloves, perfumes, and mouthcovers.
4. Still in no luck trying to find a suitable nursery/nanny for this coming soon baby. And my stress level has never been this high since.. since A&E time in the UK. I know this because of the constant heartburn (and of course the huge tummy is a contributing factor too), and blemishes are popping out, and I am feeling restless, and insomniac at times, careless (hence the graze on someone's car)!
And the worse thing is.. I feel like I am ALONE in this hunt for a suitable, safe nursery for my child. And now it's like fighting a losing battle. I am tired because of lack of sleep and pregnancy, and have to wander around in my car after work in search for this illusive nursery.
sigh sigh sigh
I hope I will be stronger and more patient coming out from these tests. I am praying that God will point me towards the best nursery and He will look after my child and will keep her/him safe. I pray that the owner of the grazed car will forgive me and is a nice person. I pray that the clogged up drain will be opened today. I pray that I am always in His mercy and blessings. Please help me and make me happy again..
Monday 14 March 2011
hubby's back!
Alhamdulillah.
I have noticed now that I countlessly found myself in a state of continuous blessings from Allah. And I believe it isnt just me. You too are blessed by Him, the AlMighty.
My hubby's back yesterday from his 5 days trip to the states for company's meeting. His trip.. was not as smooth-sailing as I hoped it'll be.
To begin with, his flight was delayed, and consequently, he missed his connecting flight to San Diego from Los Angeles. He ended up having to stay the night in LA (thankfully the airline's supporting food and lodgings for the night).
The next day, the tsunami hits Japan, and knowing that the wave will arrive at the Pacific Coast of the states, I was crazy worried! Not knowing the time difference between here and San Diego (I thought it's only 12 hours)- I rang him only to wake him up at 3am to warn about the coming tsunami! No thanks to me, he ended up wide awake until meeting time. (yesterday, not enough sleep due to the delayed flight etc etc). And Alhamdulillah, the waves that hit the coast were only 2 feet high. So much of palpitating and worrying.
However, in the mercy of God, he is now safe and sound in Malaysia. ( Despite his worries about radiation emitting into the plane when flying over Japan to Malaysia-lol). And I got myself a new handbag! :D
I love you hun! And I love the new handbag too :D
"Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, and be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me" Al-Baqara [2:152]
I have noticed now that I countlessly found myself in a state of continuous blessings from Allah. And I believe it isnt just me. You too are blessed by Him, the AlMighty.
My hubby's back yesterday from his 5 days trip to the states for company's meeting. His trip.. was not as smooth-sailing as I hoped it'll be.
To begin with, his flight was delayed, and consequently, he missed his connecting flight to San Diego from Los Angeles. He ended up having to stay the night in LA (thankfully the airline's supporting food and lodgings for the night).
The next day, the tsunami hits Japan, and knowing that the wave will arrive at the Pacific Coast of the states, I was crazy worried! Not knowing the time difference between here and San Diego (I thought it's only 12 hours)- I rang him only to wake him up at 3am to warn about the coming tsunami! No thanks to me, he ended up wide awake until meeting time. (yesterday, not enough sleep due to the delayed flight etc etc). And Alhamdulillah, the waves that hit the coast were only 2 feet high. So much of palpitating and worrying.
However, in the mercy of God, he is now safe and sound in Malaysia. ( Despite his worries about radiation emitting into the plane when flying over Japan to Malaysia-lol). And I got myself a new handbag! :D
I love you hun! And I love the new handbag too :D
"Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, and be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me" Al-Baqara [2:152]
Monday 7 March 2011
5 days w/o hubby
My beloved hubby is going for a meeting in the states tomorrow for 5 days. And, since I am heavily pregnant, tagging along is out of question. Bo Hoo! (there goes my shopping spree plan) And because people keep saying that the baby might pop out anytime soon, I am staying at my parents place for the next few days until hubby is back. *sigh* (thinking about braving through the traffic jam along LDP again) (esp. on the stupid Sunway tol!)
I should count my blessings really. Imagine if I dont have transport and needing to commute using the unreliable super packed busses/LRTs/KTMs *shivers* or not having my parents' place nearby and have to resort to staying on my own for nearly a week *scary*
Anyhow.. to another topic. my mind is split 50-50. I dont know whether it is wise to start working in a hospital or stay in campus until labour. Lots of people are saying its better to stay in campus doing clinics, which I partially agree. And some are saying, its better to go on into Hospital now and see how its like before I have a baby and then have to learn how to cope. ??? ?? ?
I shall leave this to God then. I am praying that He will put in place the best way for me to go, as He always Do. And that option is going to be the best for me now and in the future. Whatever it is.
Til then, I am going to get some food because stomach is alerady hungry and its only 11am! hu. Remember to pray, and pray hard! :)
I should count my blessings really. Imagine if I dont have transport and needing to commute using the unreliable super packed busses/LRTs/KTMs *shivers* or not having my parents' place nearby and have to resort to staying on my own for nearly a week *scary*
Anyhow.. to another topic. my mind is split 50-50. I dont know whether it is wise to start working in a hospital or stay in campus until labour. Lots of people are saying its better to stay in campus doing clinics, which I partially agree. And some are saying, its better to go on into Hospital now and see how its like before I have a baby and then have to learn how to cope. ??? ?? ?
I shall leave this to God then. I am praying that He will put in place the best way for me to go, as He always Do. And that option is going to be the best for me now and in the future. Whatever it is.
Til then, I am going to get some food because stomach is alerady hungry and its only 11am! hu. Remember to pray, and pray hard! :)
Tuesday 1 March 2011
remember 5 things before another 5
aahh..
i wont delve into the other 4. I will just concentrate on one of them 5.
Health before illness. Well, although pregnancy is not really an illness, now that i am 32 weeks plus, it started to feel like one.
Yesterday, driving to work, I almost fall asleep behind the wheel. My back is aching like nobody's business. I feel energy-less all the time. My calves cramping at night waking me up. O, and not including the waking up in the middle of the night to the ladies room. Its a constant discomfort - the band of my trousers, or the my clothings- everyting. O, and the weight I am carrying with me everywhere I go.
In conclusion; its a phase of aching, tiredness, sleepiness, and discomfort. For another month and a half.
This makes me wonder how on earth my mother went through this 7 times? With small children to chase around too? I am thankful that my mother is who she is. Without her, I probably cry my eyeballs out and shout at all the stupid cars that cut the line (when queing for the contra lane on LDP) ugh!
I am thankful to God, for without Him, I might have lost my sanity. And I am holding on to His reminder, " after each trials, there is relief". I am reminding myself that patience is a virtue, meaning more plus points to bring me to heaven. I am reminding myself that I can actually die during labour, and I dont want the last memories my family have of me are the shouting crazy me. And I dont want my child to feel the stress of this worldly life even before s/he's born.
And also, I should be thankful for having this chance to become a mother. There are millions of women out there who have perhaps tried for many years, to no success in concieving.
I hope I can survive this 1-ish month more of trials, and finally be blessed with a health, happy, perfect little angel. Amiin :)
i wont delve into the other 4. I will just concentrate on one of them 5.
Health before illness. Well, although pregnancy is not really an illness, now that i am 32 weeks plus, it started to feel like one.
Yesterday, driving to work, I almost fall asleep behind the wheel. My back is aching like nobody's business. I feel energy-less all the time. My calves cramping at night waking me up. O, and not including the waking up in the middle of the night to the ladies room. Its a constant discomfort - the band of my trousers, or the my clothings- everyting. O, and the weight I am carrying with me everywhere I go.
In conclusion; its a phase of aching, tiredness, sleepiness, and discomfort. For another month and a half.
This makes me wonder how on earth my mother went through this 7 times? With small children to chase around too? I am thankful that my mother is who she is. Without her, I probably cry my eyeballs out and shout at all the stupid cars that cut the line (when queing for the contra lane on LDP) ugh!
I am thankful to God, for without Him, I might have lost my sanity. And I am holding on to His reminder, " after each trials, there is relief". I am reminding myself that patience is a virtue, meaning more plus points to bring me to heaven. I am reminding myself that I can actually die during labour, and I dont want the last memories my family have of me are the shouting crazy me. And I dont want my child to feel the stress of this worldly life even before s/he's born.
And also, I should be thankful for having this chance to become a mother. There are millions of women out there who have perhaps tried for many years, to no success in concieving.
I hope I can survive this 1-ish month more of trials, and finally be blessed with a health, happy, perfect little angel. Amiin :)
Monday 7 February 2011
worries worries worries
How nice life would be without having to worry..
Being in a state of worrying is probably worse than hunger, and thirst, and heat. It's this constant headache and frowns and "what-ifs" and "if-nots"...
Although God has reminded us to not worry, and leave it all to Him. The whispers of satans have maanged to successfully creep out this worry of my head.
"where to place my baby for care during office hours when I'm at work after confinement ends"
With the news constantly popping out with babies neglected, and abused, and left to starve under the so-called-'care' of irresponsible nurseries/babysitter, it does not leave me in peace knowing that I have to do the same for my child once he/she reached mere 3 month old!
I have tried googling and searching for the right place and now I arrived to this plea " please Allah send me to the right person/home/nursery and please protect this unborn child against all evil and bad things. amiin "
People used to be less intimidating and more trustworthy before. Looking back, lets say, 30 years ago, such problem didnt exist or rarely heard of. because peple used to have conscience and kindness. I wonder what have happened to the world today. Have everyone strayed so far away from God that they are willing to commit such sins to innocent kids?
I pray that my loved ones are protected from their evils, and hopefully their past evil-ness will be pardoned and they will repent.
Being in a state of worrying is probably worse than hunger, and thirst, and heat. It's this constant headache and frowns and "what-ifs" and "if-nots"...
Although God has reminded us to not worry, and leave it all to Him. The whispers of satans have maanged to successfully creep out this worry of my head.
"where to place my baby for care during office hours when I'm at work after confinement ends"
With the news constantly popping out with babies neglected, and abused, and left to starve under the so-called-'care' of irresponsible nurseries/babysitter, it does not leave me in peace knowing that I have to do the same for my child once he/she reached mere 3 month old!
I have tried googling and searching for the right place and now I arrived to this plea " please Allah send me to the right person/home/nursery and please protect this unborn child against all evil and bad things. amiin "
People used to be less intimidating and more trustworthy before. Looking back, lets say, 30 years ago, such problem didnt exist or rarely heard of. because peple used to have conscience and kindness. I wonder what have happened to the world today. Have everyone strayed so far away from God that they are willing to commit such sins to innocent kids?
I pray that my loved ones are protected from their evils, and hopefully their past evil-ness will be pardoned and they will repent.
alhamdulillah
My parents and 3 siblinsg aer safely home from Egypt!
It is such a relief, alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah. After hours of air tickets searching and booking and researching, we managed to put all 5 of them on a flight back home 3 days ago. :)
In trials and difficult tinmes, we will always seek God. In prayers, in thoughts, in everything we do, we will chant His name. But, in easier times, its so easy to forget Him, astaghfirullah. I am now reminding myself to be in a state of constant attachement to Allah. No matter in good/bad health, in danger/safety. It is Allah we turn to.
I hope He wont forget me too. I hope He is constantly watching over me, guiding me and protecting me from all the evils in this this world. I hope all my decisions are from Him, for He knows me better than I do. And I hope He is guiding my decisions now to be closer towards Him in the afterlife. for this life on earth is a mere blink of of an eye.
And i want eternity of happiness :)
til then, remember God and death. The short Life now is for us to prepare for the better later.
It is such a relief, alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah. After hours of air tickets searching and booking and researching, we managed to put all 5 of them on a flight back home 3 days ago. :)
In trials and difficult tinmes, we will always seek God. In prayers, in thoughts, in everything we do, we will chant His name. But, in easier times, its so easy to forget Him, astaghfirullah. I am now reminding myself to be in a state of constant attachement to Allah. No matter in good/bad health, in danger/safety. It is Allah we turn to.
I hope He wont forget me too. I hope He is constantly watching over me, guiding me and protecting me from all the evils in this this world. I hope all my decisions are from Him, for He knows me better than I do. And I hope He is guiding my decisions now to be closer towards Him in the afterlife. for this life on earth is a mere blink of of an eye.
And i want eternity of happiness :)
til then, remember God and death. The short Life now is for us to prepare for the better later.
Tuesday 1 February 2011
Trials and tribulation
This is not good,
My parents and 3 siblings are in Egypt at the moment, amidst all the riots, gunshooting, prison breaks, and rallying! May Allah's protection be upon them, for He is the Best Protector.
A part of me feels sorry for them, because they've spent a fortune to travel and do all sorts of touristy stuff, but ended up in curfew and in danger.
Another part is relieved that they are still safe, unharmed and together. (better than being alone)
Also I am torn between feeling angry and supportive towards the people of Egypt. Angry because they are causing unwarranted danger for all the innocent tourists, and the women and children. They've not think of a better, easier, nicer, more diplomatic way if negotiating their freedom (btw, they should have started from having meetings/ talks/ etc etc with their President). Not straight into this mess.
Supportive because .. it's good for them to want something else for their life. Something better. Perhaps, it's the means that they should have thought thru a bit better. We are human beings after all. Gifted with brains and vocabs and literature to converse with each other in peace. Use them well before it's too late.
Til then, the rest of my family members are rooted to Aljazeera as never before. lol.
I am praying for their safety and strenght. May Allah be with them, and give them courage, protection, and wisdom. At times like this, I feel blessed we live in a peaceful country.
My parents and 3 siblings are in Egypt at the moment, amidst all the riots, gunshooting, prison breaks, and rallying! May Allah's protection be upon them, for He is the Best Protector.
A part of me feels sorry for them, because they've spent a fortune to travel and do all sorts of touristy stuff, but ended up in curfew and in danger.
Another part is relieved that they are still safe, unharmed and together. (better than being alone)
Also I am torn between feeling angry and supportive towards the people of Egypt. Angry because they are causing unwarranted danger for all the innocent tourists, and the women and children. They've not think of a better, easier, nicer, more diplomatic way if negotiating their freedom (btw, they should have started from having meetings/ talks/ etc etc with their President). Not straight into this mess.
Supportive because .. it's good for them to want something else for their life. Something better. Perhaps, it's the means that they should have thought thru a bit better. We are human beings after all. Gifted with brains and vocabs and literature to converse with each other in peace. Use them well before it's too late.
Til then, the rest of my family members are rooted to Aljazeera as never before. lol.
I am praying for their safety and strenght. May Allah be with them, and give them courage, protection, and wisdom. At times like this, I feel blessed we live in a peaceful country.
Thursday 27 January 2011
when life is too sedentary
Looking back, life is too relaxing now. Back in the HO days, running around, oncalls is a daily routine. Weight gain was never a problem. But I had so much fun despite the bickering adn complaining at the end of the day.
Now that life is too stagnant waiting for things to happen.. i wish i am back then. But then again, i better becareful what I'm wishing for...
One of my senior colleague sort of advised me to take it easy now and enjoy the days. Go with the flow. Read books. Learn. Maybe she is right. So by the time I start, I hit the ground running :)
But I hope this super long stagnant period of relaxtion will not put my brain, stamina and motivation to halt. I am still young and there are a million things I want to do!
This is human nature. The way we are created is to never be fully satisfied in whatever situation we are in. If we win 1000 bucks, we wished it's 100000. If we got 10 straight As, we wished it's 11As. Wishing for a bigger house, higher salary, better looks, nicer food. And the list is endless!
Please remember to thank God. For He knows what is best for us. Although we thought this is the worst situation ever, it is actually for the best. He created us and have been looking after each and every one of us since we are just a small nutfah. He knows us far better than we know ourselves. Hence, alhamdulillah... in this relaxed situation I am in, I thank You God, for always looking after me and putting me in the best situation possible. Thank you.
Have you said your thanks today?
Now that life is too stagnant waiting for things to happen.. i wish i am back then. But then again, i better becareful what I'm wishing for...
One of my senior colleague sort of advised me to take it easy now and enjoy the days. Go with the flow. Read books. Learn. Maybe she is right. So by the time I start, I hit the ground running :)
But I hope this super long stagnant period of relaxtion will not put my brain, stamina and motivation to halt. I am still young and there are a million things I want to do!
This is human nature. The way we are created is to never be fully satisfied in whatever situation we are in. If we win 1000 bucks, we wished it's 100000. If we got 10 straight As, we wished it's 11As. Wishing for a bigger house, higher salary, better looks, nicer food. And the list is endless!
Please remember to thank God. For He knows what is best for us. Although we thought this is the worst situation ever, it is actually for the best. He created us and have been looking after each and every one of us since we are just a small nutfah. He knows us far better than we know ourselves. Hence, alhamdulillah... in this relaxed situation I am in, I thank You God, for always looking after me and putting me in the best situation possible. Thank you.
Have you said your thanks today?
Friday 21 January 2011
have i been the laziest blogger in town?
may peace and love be amongst us today, along with Allah's blessings and guidance.
I have to agree if u want to nominate me as the laziest, most out of touch blogger ever. I am ashamed to call myself one as the stark vacancy in the entries deserves a national boo! i apologize. :S
A lot have happened through out the past few months, hence, i shall tell u all about it in numerical order. And of course, all praises to God, for His countless bounty towards me way.
1. I am pregnant! :D
I am now a healthy pregnant mother to iAllah a healthy girl (from the scans- which hopefully not misleading in my case). I have got another 3 months to term, and finding pregnancy a time to reflect on my nonpregnant days. The times when I am not as tired and able to do more for Allah, but then, no thanks to pure laziness and syaitan laknatullah's whispers- ended up not doing as much ibadah! Thinking of those fit slim days, I wish I put a lot more effort and energy into the good things. Haih..
Well, now I just have to chin up and strive hard to do the extra ibadah on top of the wajib ones.. no matter how tired and sleepy my eyes are..
2. I am now a doctor in a university! (trainee lecturer)
After long months of unemployment (personal choice :P ), I am now emplyed and alhamdulillah it's a brilliant job. It will allow me to further my studies in a field I chose next year, which is perfect timing too, because, by then I will have delivered the baby, and completed my confinement. Its wonderful timing, thanks to Allah, for He is the best Planner :) Just leave everything to Him, wo worries, he will sort it out for u and me. All we have to do is try our best, pray hard, and work hard. He will iAllah look after u ;) the way He always look after me.
3. We have found a house to move in by the end of this month iAllah.
Its a lovely house near my workplace, hence, I will be able to commute to work without much traffic jam! (and save on fuel, and be able to not contribute so much towards carbon emmision :D ) *yeay*
At the moment, I am travelling 1 hour plus, up to 1 and a half hour to work, and again the same amount of time spent back from work. Its a hassle! And I was furious at first to not be able to get into this house ASAP after I started work. But again, alhamdulillah, it was a blessing in disguise (hikmah). Last week, this house was broken into and lots of stuff were stolen. Luckily no one was in the house and the tenant only lost a few items of not great value (but it is still a lost to them). I hope that if they are patient, these trials will earn them good deeds and iALlah will help them to enter jannah with ease :)amiin.
These are the big major things that have occurred. I will keep u updated more as time comes, and hopefully iAllah this time, I will make time to write. I have been somewhat preoccupied with interviews, and whatnot for the past few months, but those were over now :) Pray so that we have a blessed life here and after, and more hikmah willcome our way. amiin!
I have to agree if u want to nominate me as the laziest, most out of touch blogger ever. I am ashamed to call myself one as the stark vacancy in the entries deserves a national boo! i apologize. :S
A lot have happened through out the past few months, hence, i shall tell u all about it in numerical order. And of course, all praises to God, for His countless bounty towards me way.
1. I am pregnant! :D
I am now a healthy pregnant mother to iAllah a healthy girl (from the scans- which hopefully not misleading in my case). I have got another 3 months to term, and finding pregnancy a time to reflect on my nonpregnant days. The times when I am not as tired and able to do more for Allah, but then, no thanks to pure laziness and syaitan laknatullah's whispers- ended up not doing as much ibadah! Thinking of those fit slim days, I wish I put a lot more effort and energy into the good things. Haih..
Well, now I just have to chin up and strive hard to do the extra ibadah on top of the wajib ones.. no matter how tired and sleepy my eyes are..
2. I am now a doctor in a university! (trainee lecturer)
After long months of unemployment (personal choice :P ), I am now emplyed and alhamdulillah it's a brilliant job. It will allow me to further my studies in a field I chose next year, which is perfect timing too, because, by then I will have delivered the baby, and completed my confinement. Its wonderful timing, thanks to Allah, for He is the best Planner :) Just leave everything to Him, wo worries, he will sort it out for u and me. All we have to do is try our best, pray hard, and work hard. He will iAllah look after u ;) the way He always look after me.
3. We have found a house to move in by the end of this month iAllah.
Its a lovely house near my workplace, hence, I will be able to commute to work without much traffic jam! (and save on fuel, and be able to not contribute so much towards carbon emmision :D ) *yeay*
At the moment, I am travelling 1 hour plus, up to 1 and a half hour to work, and again the same amount of time spent back from work. Its a hassle! And I was furious at first to not be able to get into this house ASAP after I started work. But again, alhamdulillah, it was a blessing in disguise (hikmah). Last week, this house was broken into and lots of stuff were stolen. Luckily no one was in the house and the tenant only lost a few items of not great value (but it is still a lost to them). I hope that if they are patient, these trials will earn them good deeds and iALlah will help them to enter jannah with ease :)amiin.
These are the big major things that have occurred. I will keep u updated more as time comes, and hopefully iAllah this time, I will make time to write. I have been somewhat preoccupied with interviews, and whatnot for the past few months, but those were over now :) Pray so that we have a blessed life here and after, and more hikmah willcome our way. amiin!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
