Thursday, 21 April 2011

reciting the Holy Quran

I was absolutely bored yesterday. Nothing to do at all. Zilch. And this was at work. ( i have noticed people have been giving me fewer and fewer jobs to do now. Perhaps due to the fact that I will be off for 3 months anytime soon) :S

I could read and learn more about my field of work during this vastfully free time, but I was in no mood to entertain all the thick info compact books. Hence, I decided to read the Quran from the internet. The internet is a lovely platform to do/read/watch anything you like, and I am truly thankful to Allah for bringing me into this world of the technology era.

That was the website I went to yesterday.

As I was reading with my quiet voice, the cleaning lady came into my office to obviously clean the floor. I was surprised to find myself automatically stopped reading Surah Maryam outloud! The cleaning lady is a non-muslim, but my reaction was unplanned. It was an automatic response.

Was I ashamed to be caught reading the Quran during office hour?
Was it out of respect to the non-muslim cleaning lady?
Was I ashamed to be seen reading the Quran altogether?

I myself am not sure of the answer. Perplexed by my own reaction.

Whatever the reason was, I am regretting it today. If I were to continue reading the Quran, perhaps, it was a chance of hidayah for this lovely cleaning lady, and she perhaps would want to learn more about Islam. I have missed a chance of da'wah, and I might never get this chance again.

Anyhow, I am praying so that my delivery is a smooth, not overdue, noncomplicated one, and my child is healthy and safe, and the labour pain is bearable (hu). Amiin.

"And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm-tree: She cried (in her anguish): "Ah! would that I had died before this! would that I had been a thing forgotten and out of sight!"
But (a voice) cried to her from beneath the (palm-tree): "Grieve not! for thy Lord hath provided a rivulet beneath thee;
"And shake towards thyself the trunk of the palm-tree: It will let fall fresh ripe dates upon thee.
"So eat and drink and cool (thine) eye. And if thou dost see any man, say, ´I have vowed a fast to (Allah) Most Gracious, and this day will I enter into not talk with any human being´"

(Surah Maryam: 23-26)

Monday, 11 April 2011

waiting for hidayah.. or searching for hidayah?

I stumbled upon a friend's blog today. It discussed a topic of a famous Malaysian actor turning a new leaf for a better muslim life. Alhamdulillah! And I further read the comments people have towards this issue. Quite a number of them actually said " hidayah belum sampai" (hidayah is not here yet) or.. "tak sampai seru" (its not the time yet) when it comes to why they are still not ready to be a fullfledged worshippers of Allah.

And I am absolutely dissappointed with this. These young, healthy, clever people are saying the reason why they still do all the forbiden things are because 'hidayah' has not greeted them. O well, what if death greet you first?

Another half of the comments are full of flirty young girls saying "oh, I hope he will marry me and guide me to the right path" or "How nice it is to marry him, even it means I'm the 3rd wife". OMG. Dear ladies out there, we are born independent women. Created by Allah the AlMighty equiped with our own brains and abled bodies. Why do we need a man to guide us.. or marry us.. then only change? It is fantastic if we are lucky to marry a good muslim, but, why wait til then to get closer to Allah? Truth is, there are not many men out there who can guide you the way Rasulullah guied us all. So stop waiting around, pick up the Quran, go to the mosques, listen to talks of Islam, befriend good people, leave sins. O well, what if you never got married, or worse got married to an a-hole who knows nought about religion?

It saddened me how an inspiring blog entry did not touched everyone's heart as intended. People now are too superficial to dig deeper and think harder. Nowadays, people just look in the mirror to see how they physically looks like. No one ever reflect on how their insides are anymore. What a shame..

To another story.

I was somehow troubled yesterday after talking to this new colleague of mine who have failed to complete his postgraduate training program. The same one i hopefully will enroll in next year. He tried it 3 times and failed. Hence, he has to be kicked out of the program. And maybe kicked out by the employers too.

I hope my journey in this program is not as dramatic and depressing. I hope I will finish mine in 4 years time, no failure whatsoever and it'll be smoothsailing! Amiin.

"Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, The Beneficent, the Merciful. Owner of the Day of Judgment, ( Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) we ask for help. Show us the straight path, The path of those whom Thou hast favoured. Not (the path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray" (Alfatihah)

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

contraction-less week

How very peculiar...

Last week, I was woken up every night because of contractions, but there has been none detected (or that woke me up) this week at all. How bizzarre. Have my baby now decided that there are no place nicer than the warmth of my belly, or has the world turned ugly that it scared my little child from coming out sooner.

Dear child, these are God's words to sooth you:

"Undoubtedly, this religion (Din) of yours is a single religion (Din), and I am your Lord, so worship Me. And others split their affairs among themselves. All are to return to Us.Then whosoever works righteous deeds and be a believer, then his efforts are not disregarded and We are recording it. And it is forbidden to a town, which We have destroyed that they return. Until when Yajuj and Maujuj would be let loose and they will be coming down from every height.And the true promise drew near, then the eyes of the infidels will remain staring (saying that) Woe to us, undoubtedly, we were heedless of this rather we were unjust' Undoubtedly, you and Whatever you worship beside Allah, all are the fuel of the hell, and you have to enter therein.If these had been gods, they would not have gone to Hell and all shall abide therein. They will groan therein and they will hear nothing in it.Undoubtedly, those for whom Our promise of good has already gone forth, they have been kept away from the Hell. They will not hear the faintest sound of it and they will abide in that which their soul desire. The Great Terror shall not grieve them and the angels will come to greet them (saying) that this is your Day,which you were promised.The Day when We shall roll up the heavens as the angel Sajil rolls up the record of deeds. As We made it, first We shall restore it. This is a promise on Us; We shall necessarily do it." (Al-Anbiya)

Hence, not to worry dear child. Those were His promise, and if there comes a time when no other promises are true, His will indefinitely be the truth.

And when there comes a time in your life when u feel lost, find Him, and He will come to you.
If you ever need assistance, ask Him of it.
When u feel lonely and sad, dont be.. He is always and forever with you.

I want you to know this, no matter how much I love you, God loves you more. Be forever thankful, and be a good obidient Muslim.

There is nothing to be scared of in this world, love. Only be scared of Allah, He is the only one watching your every move..

p/s: I cant wait to see you and hold you in my arms! :)

Sunday, 3 April 2011

a slight contempt

"patience is a part of Imaan, and with Imaan comes jannah"

In times of trials and unhappiness, this whould be a chant. A proper elaborate chant. As well as zikr and duas. haih..

I was troubled a few days back on a small miscommuncation problem. I didnt mean what I said in THAT way, but unfortunately, it was interpreted wrongly by this other party. And it blew out of proportion, which left me buckets-of-tears tearful (please understand that I am in my last trimester and hormones are going beserk!), emotionally completely drained, and headachy post insomnia.

Then the explanation from the other party left me with more worrying Qs, doubts and concerns. But somehow I refused to let myself delve into the matter any further (which I now regret). At the time, I was too tired to even bother, and I just wanted to close my eyes, forget about all of it and sleep. Pretending it never happened was the easiest, calmest, and a cheat way out.

Waking up the next day, the Qs, worries and doubts did not left me, hence I am still caught in confusion. To bring the matter again, it's under the bridge, so let's not dwell on the past. But, somehow I need clarifications. Answers. But maybe deep down I dont really want to know. It will just be hurtful again, and it's weekdays now. Work next day after a night full of drama? Now way I can survive that.

Sometimes I wish life is a lot simpler as it was back then. If I want to go for a roadtrip over the weekends- I'll just go. If I want to hang out in the coffee shop for the whole 5 hours- who cares? But with older age, comes more responsibility and sacrifices. And I guess I have now come to a time when I am willing to sacrifice. But I dont know whether you are in the same boat too.

I am letting this all out and somehow felt strangely relieved. I thank Allah for this relief. And I am praying to You, to chase all my negative thoughts away. Please let me be one of those who sees and believe in good things and will recieve glad tidings. Amiin.

"Let the man of means spend according to his means: and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what he has given him. After a difficulty, Allah will soon grant relief." (At-Talaq:7)

Thursday, 31 March 2011

a mission: to write a book!

Now, that is what i called a proper mission. I have been wanting to write a book. Any kind of book. Perhaps a storybook for children which have good values in them.

I will never put Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and the disney lots as an educational-good value-enriching stories. NO, definitely not. These stories are pretentious stories that promotes good looks as being 'superior' and kissing are allowed before marriage. It cultivates envy and princes and princesses (monetary possesions) are more attractive than being noble and trustworthy.

Now that I will iAllah raise a child of my own, I am starting to see all these things in a different view. Malaysia needs better children stories, which are based on Islamic morales. Hopefully, by reading these feel good value nurturing sories, they will grow up with all these good values in mind. (re: not thinking plastic surgeries are the only way to get a good spouse/job offer, or kissing a guy can cure any illness!).

well, wish me luck peeps. I think I will need loads of them lucks. With your prayers, perhaps your kids will enjoy books that I've written with the Quran, Sunnah, and prophets stories as guidance ;) iAllah.

Wednesday, 30 March 2011


"Verily the knowledge of the Hour is with Allah (alone). It is He Who sends down rain, and He Who knows what is in the wombs. Nor does any one know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: Nor does any one know in what land he is to die. Verily with Allah is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things)" -verse 34

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Oh God.. Oh God..

Today is really not my day. I guess God wants to test me and test my patience. For without these tests, how can we earn good points to fly us into Jannah?

The followings are the unfortunate events that happened today (so far)
1. Took the wrong turn to work today. Ended up in traffic jam, in the heavy rain, and ultimately late to work.

2. Grazed someone's car in the hospital parking lot! It was a small graze of ~3cm on the left bumper. But its a really nice car (luckily NOT an expensive imported type). I have left my contact details on his/her windshield. I hope whoever the owner of the car is a nice gentle person, and I am willing to pay for compensation, of course.. but the thought of spending my salary on such a stupid mistake when I am due to deliver anytime soon is a huge let down. I was completely out of mood and my mind was wandering to the silly graze on the nice car the whole day!

3. I am going home to day to unclog the stupid kitchen drain. Its a smelly, dirty tiring job to do after work when u are heavily preggers, but - its got to be done! I am preparing myself with gloves, perfumes, and mouthcovers.

4. Still in no luck trying to find a suitable nursery/nanny for this coming soon baby. And my stress level has never been this high since.. since A&E time in the UK. I know this because of the constant heartburn (and of course the huge tummy is a contributing factor too), and blemishes are popping out, and I am feeling restless, and insomniac at times, careless (hence the graze on someone's car)!
And the worse thing is.. I feel like I am ALONE in this hunt for a suitable, safe nursery for my child. And now it's like fighting a losing battle. I am tired because of lack of sleep and pregnancy, and have to wander around in my car after work in search for this illusive nursery.

sigh sigh sigh

I hope I will be stronger and more patient coming out from these tests. I am praying that God will point me towards the best nursery and He will look after my child and will keep her/him safe. I pray that the owner of the grazed car will forgive me and is a nice person. I pray that the clogged up drain will be opened today. I pray that I am always in His mercy and blessings. Please help me and make me happy again..