reciting the Holy Quran

I was absolutely bored yesterday. Nothing to do at all. Zilch. And this was at work. ( i have noticed people have been giving me fewer and fewer jobs to do now. Perhaps due to the fact that I will be off for 3 months anytime soon) :S

I could read and learn more about my field of work during this vastfully free time, but I was in no mood to entertain all the thick info compact books. Hence, I decided to read the Quran from the internet. The internet is a lovely platform to do/read/watch anything you like, and I am truly thankful to Allah for bringing me into this world of the technology era.

http://www.oneummah.net/quran/

That was the website I went to yesterday.

As I was reading with my quiet voice, the cleaning lady came into my office to obviously clean the floor. I was surprised to find myself automatically stopped reading Surah Maryam outloud! The cleaning lady is a non-muslim, but my reaction was unplanned. It was an automatic response.

Was I ashamed to be caught reading the Quran during office hour?
Was it out of respect to the non-muslim cleaning lady?
Was I ashamed to be seen reading the Quran altogether?

I myself am not sure of the answer. Perplexed by my own reaction.

Whatever the reason was, I am regretting it today. If I were to continue reading the Quran, perhaps, it was a chance of hidayah for this lovely cleaning lady, and she perhaps would want to learn more about Islam. I have missed a chance of da'wah, and I might never get this chance again.

Anyhow, I am praying so that my delivery is a smooth, not overdue, noncomplicated one, and my child is healthy and safe, and the labour pain is bearable (hu). Amiin.

"And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm-tree: She cried (in her anguish): "Ah! would that I had died before this! would that I had been a thing forgotten and out of sight!"
But (a voice) cried to her from beneath the (palm-tree): "Grieve not! for thy Lord hath provided a rivulet beneath thee;
"And shake towards thyself the trunk of the palm-tree: It will let fall fresh ripe dates upon thee.
"So eat and drink and cool (thine) eye. And if thou dost see any man, say, ´I have vowed a fast to (Allah) Most Gracious, and this day will I enter into not talk with any human being´"

(Surah Maryam: 23-26)

waiting for hidayah.. or searching for hidayah?

I stumbled upon a friend's blog today. It discussed a topic of a famous Malaysian actor turning a new leaf for a better muslim life. Alhamdulillah! And I further read the comments people have towards this issue. Quite a number of them actually said " hidayah belum sampai" (hidayah is not here yet) or.. "tak sampai seru" (its not the time yet) when it comes to why they are still not ready to be a fullfledged worshippers of Allah.

And I am absolutely dissappointed with this. These young, healthy, clever people are saying the reason why they still do all the forbiden things are because 'hidayah' has not greeted them. O well, what if death greet you first?

Another half of the comments are full of flirty young girls saying "oh, I hope he will marry me and guide me to the right path" or "How nice it is to marry him, even it means I'm the 3rd wife". OMG. Dear ladies out there, we are born independent women. Created by Allah the AlMighty equiped with our own brains and abled bodies. Why do we need a man to guide us.. or marry us.. then only change? It is fantastic if we are lucky to marry a good muslim, but, why wait til then to get closer to Allah? Truth is, there are not many men out there who can guide you the way Rasulullah guied us all. So stop waiting around, pick up the Quran, go to the mosques, listen to talks of Islam, befriend good people, leave sins. O well, what if you never got married, or worse got married to an a-hole who knows nought about religion?

It saddened me how an inspiring blog entry did not touched everyone's heart as intended. People now are too superficial to dig deeper and think harder. Nowadays, people just look in the mirror to see how they physically looks like. No one ever reflect on how their insides are anymore. What a shame..

To another story.

I was somehow troubled yesterday after talking to this new colleague of mine who have failed to complete his postgraduate training program. The same one i hopefully will enroll in next year. He tried it 3 times and failed. Hence, he has to be kicked out of the program. And maybe kicked out by the employers too.

I hope my journey in this program is not as dramatic and depressing. I hope I will finish mine in 4 years time, no failure whatsoever and it'll be smoothsailing! Amiin.

"Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, The Beneficent, the Merciful. Owner of the Day of Judgment, ( Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) we ask for help. Show us the straight path, The path of those whom Thou hast favoured. Not (the path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray" (Alfatihah)

contraction-less week

How very peculiar...

Last week, I was woken up every night because of contractions, but there has been none detected (or that woke me up) this week at all. How bizzarre. Have my baby now decided that there are no place nicer than the warmth of my belly, or has the world turned ugly that it scared my little child from coming out sooner.


Dear child, these are God's words to sooth you:

"Undoubtedly, this religion (Din) of yours is a single religion (Din), and I am your Lord, so worship Me. And others split their affairs among themselves. All are to return to Us.Then whosoever works righteous deeds and be a believer, then his efforts are not disregarded and We are recording it. And it is forbidden to a town, which We have destroyed that they return. Until when Yajuj and Maujuj would be let loose and they will be coming down from every height.And the true promise drew near, then the eyes of the infidels will remain staring (saying that) Woe to us, undoubtedly, we were heedless of this rather we were unjust' Undoubtedly, you and Whatever you worship beside Allah, all are the fuel of the hell, and you have to enter therein.If these had been gods, they would not have gone to Hell and all shall abide therein. They will groan therein and they will hear nothing in it.Undoubtedly, those for whom Our promise of good has already gone forth, they have been kept away from the Hell. They will not hear the faintest sound of it and they will abide in that which their soul desire. The Great Terror shall not grieve them and the angels will come to greet them (saying) that this is your Day,which you were promised.The Day when We shall roll up the heavens as the angel Sajil rolls up the record of deeds. As We made it, first We shall restore it. This is a promise on Us; We shall necessarily do it." (Al-Anbiya)

Hence, not to worry dear child. Those were His promise, and if there comes a time when no other promises are true, His will indefinitely be the truth.

And when there comes a time in your life when u feel lost, find Him, and He will come to you.
If you ever need assistance, ask Him of it.
When u feel lonely and sad, dont be.. He is always and forever with you.

I want you to know this, no matter how much I love you, God loves you more. Be forever thankful, and be a good obidient Muslim.

There is nothing to be scared of in this world, love. Only be scared of Allah, He is the only one watching your every move..

p/s: I cant wait to see you and hold you in my arms! :)

a slight contempt

"patience is a part of Imaan, and with Imaan comes jannah"

In times of trials and unhappiness, this whould be a chant. A proper elaborate chant. As well as zikr and duas. haih..

I was troubled a few days back on a small miscommuncation problem. I didnt mean what I said in THAT way, but unfortunately, it was interpreted wrongly by this other party. And it blew out of proportion, which left me buckets-of-tears tearful (please understand that I am in my last trimester and hormones are going beserk!), emotionally completely drained, and headachy post insomnia.

Then the explanation from the other party left me with more worrying Qs, doubts and concerns. But somehow I refused to let myself delve into the matter any further (which I now regret). At the time, I was too tired to even bother, and I just wanted to close my eyes, forget about all of it and sleep. Pretending it never happened was the easiest, calmest, and a cheat way out.

Waking up the next day, the Qs, worries and doubts did not left me, hence I am still caught in confusion. To bring the matter again, it's under the bridge, so let's not dwell on the past. But, somehow I need clarifications. Answers. But maybe deep down I dont really want to know. It will just be hurtful again, and it's weekdays now. Work next day after a night full of drama? Now way I can survive that.

Sometimes I wish life is a lot simpler as it was back then. If I want to go for a roadtrip over the weekends- I'll just go. If I want to hang out in the coffee shop for the whole 5 hours- who cares? But with older age, comes more responsibility and sacrifices. And I guess I have now come to a time when I am willing to sacrifice. But I dont know whether you are in the same boat too.

I am letting this all out and somehow felt strangely relieved. I thank Allah for this relief. And I am praying to You, to chase all my negative thoughts away. Please let me be one of those who sees and believe in good things and will recieve glad tidings. Amiin.

"Let the man of means spend according to his means: and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what he has given him. After a difficulty, Allah will soon grant relief." (At-Talaq:7)